Tuesday, October 7, 2008



1. I miss running from the market to the Casino with Ash and Rachel.
2. I miss the night that we made smores, nearly three years ago, and promised that we would come back every year to do it again.
3. I miss that trail in Mt. Shasta.
4. I miss the "Do you know that person?" game during lunch.
5. I miss camping in Mammoth with my family.
6. I miss sleeping where I can't hear cars driving by.
7. I miss laying on the hammock reading a book and listening to Timmy and Tanner.


1. I love that I'll be seeing Ashley in 6 weeks.
2. I love the beach at night with Dasha.
3. I love riding up Skyline.
4. I love running down the horse trail.
5. I love thinking about all the things our future could be.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Hivey-hives

I don't know what my body's problem is. I try so hard to treat it nicely, and it still gets so upset. About such inexplicable things! I can't figure it out. I ride my bike, it gets angry and hivey at me. Last night I ended up standing under the showerhead, cold water pouring all over me as angry red hives appeared, so many and so big that my body became one giant hive. Those are called plaques. My scalp was itchy, my neck, my face got so swollen that I had a double chin. Everywhere. I was freaking out, of course, I don't like being sick away from my mom and dad. Ethan ran to the gas station to get me some Benydryl while I tried to soothe my skin, which, in return, produced more hives. 'Take a deep breath,' I kept telling myself, trying to calm down before I wasn't able to breathe. Ten minutes later I'm wheezing down the hallway, towel wrapped around me as I decide to sit in the bathtub and shiver, just for two minutes relief. The red lingers on my legs, threatening to leave a tattoo in memory of our time together. Today my legs are swollen, pink, and tired. My eyes are closing while I try to stay awake enough to answer the phones and go to class. My legs look ridiculous, all balloony and tumescient. If only we could figure out what causes this!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


we can hold hands,
and walk up the aisle,
smiling,
nervous,
exploding with anticipation.
we'll say our words,
we'll sing our song,
show our love, be pronounced
for all time
together.
side by side
bursting with tender love.
we'll start our lives,
we'll sing Him praise,
we'll watch the stars
and hold hands beneath the moon.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

It's amazing that no matter where you are, who you are, or what you're doing, you will always mess up. And have to start over again. And again.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Write these on the insides of your eyelids.

But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to the heavens, but beat his breast and said, "God, have mercy on me, a sinner."
I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.
(Luke 18:13-14)

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.

It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans.
(1 Thessalonians 4:3-8)

Praise the Lord. Praise the Lord, my Soul. I will praise the Lord all my life; I will sing praise to my God as long as I live. Do not trust in Princes, in human beings, who cannot save. When their spirit departs, they return tot hte ground; on that very day their plans come to nothing. Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord their God. HE is the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them - he remains faithful forever. He upholds the cause of the oppressed, and gives food to the hungry. The Lord sets prisoners free, the Lord gives sight to the blind, the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down, the Lord loves the righteous. The Lord watches over the foreigner and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the ways of the wicked. The Lord reigns forever, Your God, O Zion, for all generations. Praise the Lord
(Psalm 146)

Friday, August 1, 2008

I want to be any of these places. Anywhere but here. Sitting in an office stewing with thoughts of what could happen, what we want to happen, how I could make it happen, what I should do to prepare. I will just trust where my God leads, He loves.
And I love these places (and this person). And want to run, bike, walk, drift to them. I want to lay in that grass, pour my heart onto paper, bronze in that sun on that sand, lullaby of the sea in the background, capture the memories attached to the roads, the trees, fences, hills, and signposts of these.





Tuesday, July 22, 2008




These are the days when you dream and dream and dream about opportunities stretching before you, the paths sprawling every which way, offering a chance to escape complications better left behind. Imagine all of the places that you could possibly travel, all the different ways you can recreate yourself.



What holds you back?

What keeps you from going on one side, and what tugs you back from the other?

When you leave, you never just leave behind a tattered couch and strangled curtains.
You never step away only from the too-tall heels, shoved in a corner to be discovered another time.
It's never just the park you loitered at when your horizon matched the skies gathering rain in their pockets, never just the street you dreamed about living on, or the parking spot you treasured coming home to late at night.

It's the eyes, the hair, the lips, the arms, legs, feet, toes, fingers, even knees
of someone.
It's the laugh, the sigh that exhales a world's weight, cracked knuckles in a silence and a cascade of curls transferred from shoulder to shoulder, both browned from the summer sun.
It's the arms that have wrapped around your body, your waist, anchoring you after a fall, after regret has been born.




Departure tips this soul masked as tissue, blood, veins, precariously toward the edge, wrenching what has touched it to the core from contact.

Replanted to a foreign bed, slowly becoming native soil.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

PrettyPretty


Me and Ash went home this weekend, Duke came with us...he is the best travel kitty ever.




Ok! So here's my pretty pretty pretty and amazing and beautiful and light and fast and coolest bicycle:

I've fallen two or three times, trying to track stand, so now I've got bruises up and down my legs...looks really great.




Monday, July 14, 2008

Un-Decision

I wish there was a literary way to express a deep, deep sigh. That's what I'm doing right now. Partly a sigh of relief, my internship is FINISHED! No more stressful angry upset pressured people at I have to spend all day with.

The other part of my sigh is an "Oh no I don't really want to have anything to do with Communications and that's my major," sigh.

As in, I'm thinking about changing my major.
As in, I should have gone to Nepal and skipped this silly school business.
As in, maybe I could drop the major, add Sociology as a major instead, and add an Art Photography minor!
Is it too late for that?
No, it is not too late for that.

Other than that, I'm good. I got to go home this weekend, which was WONDERFUL. And then I came back to a brand new bicycle! A pretty green fixie that's at least 500 lbs less than my Varsity weighed. A 2008 Pake model. It's amazing. I've fallen off it twice now and I have bruises up and down my right leg, but I love it and am determined to figure track-standing out, and then skidding. Ethan is my favorite, ever, I cannot believe he got it for me. He decided my other bike, the Varsity, was falling apart too much and wouldn't really be a good bike to ride south on again, and our next century ride is next weekend. So now I'll be safe and fast and have the best bike!

Pictures of my new amazing bicycle tonight!

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Sunday

A glass vase!





Saturday, July 5, 2008

Ugh. I feel sick right now.



Monday, June 30, 2008

Hope!

This isn't my story, I just thought it was really exciting. From June 28. READ IT!

Christianity is flourishing in China

José M. Osorio / Chicago Tribune

Zhang Ming-Xuan speaks at a church in Shandong province that sued the government for shutting it down. The ruling Communist Party is officially atheist.

The religion, long repressed and often outlawed in the communist nation, appeals to citizens seeking a moral framework amid the chaotic rise of capitalism.
From the Chicago Tribune June 28, 2008
BEIJING -- The Rev. Jin Mingri peered out from the pulpit and delivered an unusual appeal: "Please leave," the 39-year-old pastor urged his followers, who were packed, standing-room-only on a Sunday afternoon, into a converted office space in China's capital. "We don't have enough seats for the others who want to come, so please, only stay for one service a day."A choir in hot-pink robes stood to his left, beside a guitarist and a drum set bristling with cymbals. Children in a modern playroom beside the sanctuary punctuated the service with squeals and tantrums. It was a busy day at a church that, on paper, does not exist.


Standing room only
Tensions rise between Tibetans, Chinese Muslims
Bibles are big business in China
Christianity -- repressed, marginalized and, in many cases, illegal in China for more than half a century -- is sweeping the country, swamping churches and posing a sensitive challenge to the officially atheist ruling Communist Party.By some estimates, Christian churches in China, most of them underground, have roughly 70 million members, about as many as the party itself. A growing number of those Christians are in fact party members.Christianity is thriving in part because it offers a moral framework to citizens adrift in an age of Wild West capitalism that has not only exacted a heavy toll in corruption and pollution but also harmed the global image of products labeled "Made in China."Some Chinese Christians say their faith is actually a boon for the party, because it shores up the economic foundation that is central to sustaining communist rule."With economic development, morality and ethics in China are degenerating quickly," prayer leader Zhang Wei told the crowd at Jin's church as worshipers bowed their heads. "Holy Father, please save the Chinese people's soul."At the same time, Christianity is driving citizens to be more politically assertive, emboldening them to push for more freedoms and testing the party's willingness to adapt. For decades, most of China's Christians worshiped in secret churches, known as "house churches," that shunned attention for fear of arrest on charges such as "disturbing public order."But in a sign of Christianity's growing prominence, in scores of interviews for a joint project of the Tribune and PBS' "Frontline/World," clerical leaders and worshipers from coastal boomtowns to inland villages publicly detailed their religious lives for the first time.They voiced the belief that the time has come to proclaim their place in Chinese society as the world focuses on China and its hosting of the 2008 Olympics in August."We have nothing to hide," said Jin, a former Communist Party member who broke away from the state church last year to found his Zion Church.Jin embodies a historic change: After centuries of foreign efforts to implant Christianity in China, the growing popularity of the religion is being led not by missionaries but by evangelical citizens at home. Where Christianity once was confined largely to poor villages, it's now spreading into urban centers, often with tacit approval from the regime.It reaches into the most influential corners of Chinese life: Intellectuals disillusioned by the 1989 crackdown on dissidents at Tiananmen Square are placing their loyalty in faith, not politics; tycoons fed up with corruption are seeking an ethical code; and party members are daring to argue that their religion does not put them at odds with the government.The boundaries of what is legal and what is not are constantly shifting. A new church or Sunday school, for instance, might be permissible one day and taboo the next, because local officials have broad latitude to interpret laws on religious gatherings.Overall, though, the government is allowing churches to be more open and active than ever, signaling a new tolerance of faith in public life. President Hu Jintao even held an unprecedented Politburo "study session" on religion last year, in which he told China's 25 most powerful leaders that "the knowledge and strength of religious people must be mustered to build a prosperous society."This rise, driven by evangelical Protestants, reflects a wider spiritual awakening in China. As communism fades into today's free-market reality, many Chinese describe a "crisis of faith" and seek solace from mystical Taoist sects, Bahai temples and Christian megachurches.Today, the government counts 21 million Catholics and Protestants -- a 50% increase in less than 10 years -- though the underground population is far larger. The World Christian Database's estimate of 70 million Christians amounts to 5% of the population, second only to Buddhists.At a time when Christianity in Western Europe is dwindling, China's believers are redrawing the world's religious map with a growing community that already exceeds all the Christians in Italy.And increasing Christian clout in China has the potential to alter relations with the United States and other nations.But much about the future of faith in China is uncertain, shaped most vividly in bold new evangelical churches such as Zion, where a soft-spoken preacher and his fervent flock do not yet know just how far the Communist Party is prepared to let them grow."We think that Christianity is good for Beijing, good for China," Jin said. "But it may take some time before our intention is understood, trusted, even respected by the authorities. We even have to consider the price we may have to pay."Researcher Xu Wan contributed to this report.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Duke!

My friend stole this kitten from her mean neighbors, and I decided to keep it! Vanessa and I talked about having a cat when we moved in together, so I'll just already have one! Duke is adorable. My new roomies at this apt have a kitten also, Ghostface Killah...two kittens!



Wednesday, June 25, 2008

10 Day Countdown

Yesterday I realized I am over halfway done with my internship! Working four days a week, I only have 10 days left, starting tomorrow!

That is so exciting, I can't wait to be done. I love writing, and interviewing, and researching, I like being a reporter, but somehow, I don't. On Sunday night I couldn't sleep, I just sat in bed, dreading work the next day, knowing I had to get up early and work forever and drive and drive and drive and deal with stressed-out, deadline-pressured, busy people.

So I'm excited to be done. Plus, I'm almost out of money. I have about $140 that I need to make it until the 15th with. I can do that. I just won't do anything fun. Except I have to buy groceries, pay rent and bills, so I do have to dig into my savings a bit. This is why I want to live in a tree, so I don't have to deal with stuff like this.

And the fisheye pictures turned out SWEET.

Link to my best story yet: http://www.whittierdailynews.com/rds_search/ci_9661285?IADID=Search-www.whittierdailynews.com-www.whittierdailynews.com

Sunday, June 22, 2008

20.

I can't figure out how to move the pictures around, they aren't in the order I want them. Oh well.






Happy Birthday to me!!

Now I'm 20.

Hannah and Nicole drove down on Friday, it was a surprise that Nicole was coming...she jumped out of the trunk of Hannah's car and attacked me with silly string, I was a little scared.

But it was such a good weekend! Perfect birthday, my three best friends and my boyfriend, together all day, and the beach at night. And some good pictures. Ash got me a fisheye camera, and we used a whole roll of film today, so those should be exciting.




We went shopping Downtown today, and found...things we don't have the money to buy...London in the winter will cost tons of money that I need to save up.








































Thursday, June 19, 2008

This is what I want to be doing right now.
I love hammocks.
They are so freaking expensive though.
And you have to have a tree.
I live in an apartment,
and there the only trees around it
are widely-spaced palm trees.












These are some of my favorite people.
People pictures are good, Ash says, because you can see a story in them. Which she learned from her prof, but it's a good way to look at it. And since I haven't taken a photography class yet, I try to listen to Ash!

beginning

So this a little bit reminds me of how we all had Xanga accounts in high school. But this is less dramatic, hopefully, and less brightly colored. Ash said maybe I should make one of these to do something with my photography, so this is the spot. Oh, and writing...my first front page story for the Whittier Daily News was also online! This is my eighth or ninth article for my internship there, pretty good for less than three weeks (http://www.whittierdailynews.com/ci_9618341). We covered the first gay marriages at the Norwalk registrars office, it was fun. And controversial.